I finally got to talk to M today now that she’s back in town. Who would have thought how relieved I was to finally talk to her. Some stuff we talk about gets me to think a lot. Or if it’s intense, I really have to think.
Not quite as intense as oh say… this scene from Alias.
Vaughn about to get seriously FUCKED UP! (Season 5 ep 1)
Well, one of these topics included Dr. Rabbit. (Okay maybe it’s something like the car scene… hahaha… something)
Me: At the moment there really isn’t anyone in my interests. Dr. Rabbit is a kind of passing thing now. M: Why is she a passing thing now? It seems like not so long ago you were crushing hard. Me: I emailed her, and there was no response. With each passing day, I feel like waiting for a response from her, is annoying her. So because I’m insecure about annoying people- I’m retreating even though I feel it’s hard for me bc the feelings are still there. M: Did she use to respond to you all the time? Maybe she’s just busy. But, I doubt your annoying her if she use to go out of her way to talk to you. Me: Yes. Well, the longest she’s not responded was a week. It’s been 5 days so far since my last email. At least she responds to tags on Facebook. It’s a possibility that I am, and she’s only being nice. M:Maybe your just being paranoid. There’s still 2 more days for her to respond. But, maybe you should ask her how she feels about you. Me: Uhhhhhhhhh I’ll wait to ask her that after next year. Only, because it might get awkward when I’m in class with her and there’s the possibility of her asking me “You’re a nice girl, why do you ask?” If she asks me that- idk if I can lie and say “Because I think of you as a friend as opposed to just a teacher.” M: You don’t think you could stand being in her class if an awkward moment ensued. And you could just say that you were worried that you were irritating her. Me: I could be in her class- I’m awkward in there anyway. XD I feel like a dude with a raging boner in her class, so I end up stuttering and tripping over desks. Buuuut I just don’t want her to feel awkward.
Going to go back to wallowing away at LSAT studies!
I have literally spent the whole day. So from like 10/11 am 2pm watching Alias.
And not studying for the LSAT. I’m about ready to just start crying for not having the motivation to do anything or talk to anyone.
In fact, I haven’t been feeling the urge to respond to Shawn’s texts. He must think I’m a shallow bitch for not being so cheery or enthusiastic about chatting anymore, conveniently after he said he only viewed me as a friend.
Speaking about friends…
Ashley. We haven’t spoken in about 10-11 days. I get the fact that she’s pissed at me for not going to Anime Central last week with her, but my god- the grudge over it? Maybe its a whole other reason why she’s refusing to respond to the message I sent 5 days ago?
This scenario and people in general just makes me want to grow up to be a hermit who watches porn 24/7 and masturbate so much that 100 pounds of fat off of me and gets replaced by rock hard abs.
Here’s some mind fucks for you guys, and also the other part of the email…
“I forgot to add in the links to the video I had mentioned that would go well with the gender transgression assignment!“
What if being straight was a sin? Then what would you do? Those questions are addressed by K.Rocco Shields & David Tillman in their film that sort of caught some wind on the internet:”What if being straight was frowned upon instead?”
The one thing that bothers me is… there’s still gender stereotypes. Like the moms still show signs that one is a masculine one and the other is a feminine one. I find it funny that one of the girl’s parents is sooooooo closed-minded.
I just love that someone had the balls and audacity to make this, knowing that more closed-minded people are going to give them hell for this. But I tip my hat to them because they hit it on the nail of what it would look like if the tables were turned.
I decided to go on a soapbox in an email to Nicole, and well…
I think I out-did my normal standing on being outspoken… here it is, well part of it! (the other part I’m making another post on it) What do you guys think?
“Also, I found another link that I found to really challenge my thought processes back in April during Critical Thinking. It’s called ‘The Dormroom EP’ by Suli Breaks. It made me wonder, what exactly is the current educational system doing? Is it working in application or just in theory?
… I hear my fellow students complain that they’ll never use some of the things or definitions they learned in a random class like European Lit, in the real world (when the student aspires to be a probation officer, a chemist, etc). BUT then they take a class where their mindset changed because they can bridge the gap between stuff- so like Logic or even Critical Thinking.
In theory, the system sounds plausible… but when put in the real world, the schooling system fails, yet the bridging theory is useful when not applied to stuff like “Assume that the condition between x and y is removed.. Who was the 28th president… What was the significance of Voltare’s works”. So maybe you could help answer the two-fold question (that was sort of posed in Crit. Thinking) of ‘Why are we forced to do mundane stuff in school that isn’t going to help us in the real world, and why can’t the system change to make us do things that are required?’ “
Me: Have fun at graduation!
Shawn: Thank u ma’am! I will try!
Me: And no crying either lol
Shawn: lol I’ll leave that to my mom
Well that’s what I wondered when I was in the shower… Why do parents cry when we finnish one level of schooling?
Is it because they know that it’s one step closer to us (the students/kids) to leaving the nest of our primary social institution: the family, to take our own step into the world?
I hope that on my graduation, I can figure that out… Along with getting a hug from Nicole and Dr. Rabbit- in the past 5 months, they have become my favorite teachers, even passing the crush I had on T-Dog, who was my favorite until I started at Lewis.
Well, I confronted Shawn with the big question… that I awkwardly worded into 7 texts… Yeah, I’m really awkward with these things… especially with guys.
Do you have feelings for me?
His “short” answer that kind of relieved me?
Can’t say I’m real surprised, but I think of you as a friend. I don’t want to get involved in anything serious at this point in my life. For texts, you respond more than my other friends, and I like talking to you as a friend about a lot of things.
Needless to say, I was relieved. Why? Because I haven’t shaken this crush off of Dr. Rabbit. So now I don’t have to worry!
Still. It would have been kind of cool to be in a relationship again. Maybe the whole thing with Tay from last summer makes me want to have another summer romance/fling?
I don’t think I’m that desperate to stoop to flings yet.