Dating Is So Weird.

I’ve had a number of escapades this past 2015. There was Ann, Dick, Mel for one date before she decided to get back together with her ex, the older woman from work, and tomorrow will be my first date with Pagina.

We met on tinder. And since then, we’ve been gaming and talking almost every day.

And she’s adorable and likes anime and gets me (or at least tries to).

It’s been a while since I’ve had butterflies and I’m beginning to feel them swell. images

My 9/11 Realization

Me: These are my students. What’s weird is that they are all born in 2002. They never knew what life was like prior to 9/11. It makes me wonder… are we just raising a nation of kids now to be somewhat racist because of something that happened before they were even born? 

Dr. Nicole: Congrats, you just experienced a “getting old” milestone! And yes…

That was my conversation I had with Dr. Nicole yesterday after I took attendance and the principal made announcements over the intercom doing a quick mention of 9/11. It’s so weird to think “oh hey. I’m now an adult that can think critically and I’m responsible for a group of kids.” It was the rest of the faculty that wore their “never forget” t-shirts with a picture of the 9/11 buildings smoking. Since I’m a regular sub this school year, I don’t get the luxury of all that stuff so I just wore my jeans and my university hoodie because it was payday and that’s our contract option for paydays.

I was thinking about making a mention of it to the class, but I thought “why should I taint their childhood with something that happened before they were even conceived? Hell, I don’t even remember what I was doing that day back in 3rd grade!” And that’s just it- I honestly don’t know why I should have to have any certain strong feelings about it. Maybe I’m not as patriotic as others, or maybe I am thinking rationally… Like why feel so bad when 2,977 people died that one day when 1,455,490 Iraqis died since due to the U.S. invasion…? Why not take the campaign of All Lives Matter and apply it internationally? Why continue with all the killing?

Society's Teachings


Adulthood: The Grind is REAL!

I was so close to working a full 50 hour work week.

Until I called off this morning from ikea because heavens knows who could talk to customers and have snot hanging out with a raspy voice. One of my students this week gave me a cold. And now I’m just miserable.

At this point, I’m taking a personal day off all for my self. No work. No school. Just me and all my textbooks because I’m so far behind on homework. And all I can think about is how I’m going to be losing $80 by not going to work today.


Normalcy for Cuddling? 

I have a friend… 

Kidding, you all know who it is if you have followed me since last year…


Bucky is my friend. The friend that rejected me the night of the dance back in November where, I went to in a suit (because it was the first time I felt like breaking gender roles and also revealing my sexuality to my whole law school). It was the night I told her I have fostered a crush from the first moment I saw her, and that I’m finally mustering up the balls to tell her. 

It’s been 9 going on 10 months since I told her about my feelings. Since then, we’ve gone out as friends, had deep conversations about life, been there for each other and cuddled a few times… 

Tuesday: I cleaned and then Bucky came over to watch a move but we ended up playing video games instead. At first we sat on opposite ends of the couch but when she busted out the vape, she blew the smoke into my mouth while being inches from my open lips and I delivered it back via my nose nostrils… Which sounds kind of erotic now that I’m reading as I am typing it…

Wednesday: I went to the gym on Wednesday night with Kate. But before that, I cleaned then went to Starbucks to meet Bucky. We were having a great time hanging out until her work called and said they are missing money from her till. I have never seen Bucky so… In shock. We took separate cars to her work because she needed to get there asap and I had to run my errand fast to meet her. We pulled in,  and just as she got out of the car she began to fall and I caught her. I held her tightly in my arms just saying that they have a mistake and it’s going to be okay. I waited outside in my car with the windows open and then she came out and before I could say anything she leaned in and wrapped her arms around me and said “everything is okay. I’m just really glad you’re here with me right now. I wouldn’t have even been able to go in if it wasn’t for you” 

I just sat there dumbfounded while holding her and rubbing her back. Of course she would have had to go in, it’s a duty. Feeling her hug me and telling me how scared she was almost for a split second made old feelings rise up again. I don’t want our friendship hurt again, so I suggested we go for ice cream to stop hugging but that I would drive because she’s in no condition to drive… 

We get to Oberwies, and I teach her how to play chess before getting her brother food and went to get her car. After that I picked up Kate to go to the gym and told her about the day… 

Kate: dude… I see where this is going… I don’t like it. 

Me: what do you mean…? The cuddling and the hugs? It shows we have a strong bond…?

Kate: no, that’s not normal. Look at us. We have known each other for 9 years- but we don’t cuddle and we have regular hugs. That’s the fine line you guys crossed. 

Me: Sooo…. What does that mean? 

Kate: it means that you’re falling for her again, and she’s going to push you away again and you’re gonna be hurt again… 

Thursday: i took my mom to the hospital for the final testing of her being a good canidate for a double transplant… Then I came home and went to the gym on my own. Turns out Ella (the crazy ex that’s a model) was there and I freaked out instantly, I texted Bucky to pretend to be my gf and text me. The result…? This:  


Yet I’m still wondering about what Kate said about there being a line that we crossed with cuddling with our legs intertwined and the hugs outside of her work… Maybe I’m slowly falling again but just don’t want to admit it? 


Master’s Update…

I was soooo wrong about people being my age in class. I spent all summer in class with people 20+ years older than me. 

What’s the meaning of this shit??? 

my dog best describing my reaction to still being the youngest

So far I have honors all over and now starting on my fall semester… How will I manage 4 classes, 2 jobs, and taking care of my mom? 


I Want to be a Pokémon Master… Kidding.

I had to make a creative title. Master. So many things can come to mind with the word.

Master in a skill.
Master’s degree.

Despite being down for the longest time about not being in law school (which I guess is a blessing considering that I don’t have to spend a shit ton of money on that degree for now), I’m now doing a masters in criminal social justice.

Because law shaped me already, so I can’t give this up. But the best part: I’m finally 22, so that’s the usual age that people graduate undergrad and go do a masters, so I’m finally going to be in class with people my own age!

I thought that back in April… yeah, I’m already on my second class and no one is close to my age at all! Infact, they are older and have job experience!!! At a disadvantage yet again…

Oh well, I’ll be like I used to be and just work hard and prove them all wrong.